On Betrayal & Forgiveness

Many times, I was betrayed. I shed tears up to heaven and even hope to die sooner. The pain betrayal brought to me, I thought was enduring. I was wrong. Until I had uverything I needed about forgiveness and undergone a recollection with Fr. Junjun Limbaga who sympathetically poured out everything I needed about forgiveness.

In our more-than-two-hours session, I cried when he pointed out so many things about forgiveness. Finally, I found someone who joins me in my pains and struggles, aside from my friends Rizza and Mariz and the Norrs. It was all about the Seven Last Words of Jesus. We had a recollection in preparation for the Lenten Season.

So much for the background. Here I go. First, I must admit, it is painful when you are betrayed but it is glorifying if you forgive. When a traumatic incident happened to me, it made me realize how I can possibly endure pains and thank God, I just found out that I can be emotionally stable even at the back of pressures. At a deeper note, I learned that relationship (I mean not the special ones) can be defended if only you choose to defend it. A lot of people go separate ways because of petty issues but in my case, I was able to choose the right one.

Yes, I am not certain if I won't be betrayed anymore but I am sure that I should be careful in treating people. I have to be extra careful.

I forgave. I will still forgive.

The Streams of Dreams

If I were to liken myself into anything in this world, I'd have to say, I am a wonderful portrait that shows a wide array of hues and forms. This is because, every time my mind isn't busy, I don't deprive myself of thinking some big things. I fill my mind with so many colorful imaginbations and I enjoy transforming myself into somebody else. I enjoy every minute of dreaming and imagining myself to be someone or something. Now, I have come to gain some confidence to put into writing what I had always been dreaming. I know it's fun although some may sound extremely funny (and impossible). Read on...

As I go out with my friends to enjoy some beer and nuts, I feel so jealous why they got those beautiful voices. And so, in my solitary hours, I always pretend to be Sarah Geronimo (if I were a girl) or at least, (take note, at least) Josh Groban or Martin Nievera. As I dream to become a caliber singer, I didn't mean to earn fame and glory. I intend to sing for kids inside my classroom. How I wished so much to really sing a song for them and see them so proud of me.

After my friend Farah passed the Bar, there was a little spark of desiring to become a lawyer. Honestly. However, it turned out to die a natural death because in one of our pizza-and-beer moments, I just found out that it's such a stressful job. I decided to quit. I learned that I should rationalize my choices.

Thanks to Mark Xander Fabillar for inviting me in his TV program @ Random. I had a wonderful experience with him in an interview. It was a spontaneous exchange of ideas. From that experience, I again dreamed of becoming a world-class talk show host just like Ellen and Oprah. I do. I really do. If it comes true, I am challenged to talk with my tact in. My tongue should be a channel of joy and comfort. My words shouldn't be like weapons that wound but heal and give life.

I also came to the point of dreaming to become a commercial model. (WHHHAAATTTTTTT???) Yeah. I did. How I imagined myself to be right in one of those billboards in EDSA. But it dawned to me that EDSA is quite far. I have my classroom where I can be a model not only for a minimal time frame but for eternity. I concluded, if I choose to do good and show this good thing to my kids, it will create ripples to them. It will eventually multiply. What else should I travel for?

You see, I am starting to get bored of enumerating my dreams. Owning a school, becoming a DepEd Secretary, winning an international public speaking tilt, and a whole lot more.

This I know is the sign of my celebration of humanity--in the streams of dreams!

TARZAN

Hello there! I'm posting this song that I love most. I thought of posting it because I realized that even when you have let go already, it is humble enough to even share kindness with one another. Love is Love. It celebrates with the good. It never holds grudges. They may be gone but surely, they will be in our hearts, not as special people but as the ones who taught us lessons through the pains they caused. You'll Be in My Heart by Phil Collins

Come stop your crying It will be alright Just take my hand Hold it tight I will protect you From all around you I will be here Don't you cry For one so small You seem so strong My arms will hold you Keep you safe and warm This bond between us Can't be broken I will be here don't you cry Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart Always Why can't they understand the way we feel They just don't trust What they can't explain I know we're different But deep inside us We're not that different at all And you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more Don't listen to them Cause what do they know? We need each other To have, to hold They'll see in time I know When destiny calls you You must be strong I may not be with you But you've got to hold on They'll see in time I know We'll show them together Cause you'll be in my heart Believe me, you'll be in my heart I'll be there from this day on Now and forever more Oooo, you'll be in my heart You'll be here in my heart No matter what they say I'll be with you You'll be here in my heart I'll be there always Always I'll be with you I'll be there for you always Always and always Just look over your shoulder Just look over your shoulder Just look over your shoulder I’ll be there always

One Stare

I know i never had the chance to talk to you or even express some kind words before we both closed the book of tragedies that we never imagined to be that way. I missed a lot of things that I wished I could said or done but time is of the essence, specially now when we both are struggling to get over some drastic changes, (or maybe, I alone). So, the next time we see each other along the road or maybe at the supermarket, please, no words, no exchanging of smiles, not even nodding of heads. No. Nothing. There's only one thing we both are entitled to give--ONE STARE. ...and the world will rotate aorund its axis. :)

“What if I were this or that…what if it was turned this way…if only…”

These are the few phrases that started my statements when I continued my self-rehabilitation. In a beautiful Sunday evening, after a night of beer and skittles, I found myself momentarily free from the world’s burden. I stood like I never had those puzzling moments. Once, I was free. For once, I had a time for myself. However, problems can never be betrayed. You cannot escape from them. They’ve got to be faced and solved. So much for the problems, I have a new view today. This article would surely draw a crowd because for the first time, I put into writing the many questions revolving around human life. And that’s not only my personal side but it is also others’ too.

Human complexities—these are the usual enemies of the body and soul. Complexities come in different forms. They may be through life’s questions which seem unanswerable. These are human questions that need pain before they can be answered.

Complexities also come in the many ironies of life. For example, good friends of mine whose names I choose to keep in the dark are presently experiencing this. Love and charisma are both present in them yet they have to give in to the call of giving up because of their family decisions. Their complexity is found not from their own selves but in another party which is obviously of heavier weight. They had to bear the difficulty of losing love all at the expense of their own happiness and in favor of their families. When tears fell down each other’s eyes and when I saw those nostalgic hugs, I wasn’t able to hold myself but breathe deeply for such a selfless love I witnessed. They agreed, they were both in crossroads but they promised, they both shall meet again.

This would read familiar to you: a piece of life’s daily happenings that you never ever dream of suddenly appears right at your doorstep. Familiar? I am referring to those life’s difficulties that have become your phobia and have entered into your path like a curse or something.

Lately, when I was distributing short stories to my fourth year students for them to analyze, I was reminded of Oscar Wilde’s work, The Happy Prince and found myself soaked in the sweet message of it. The story told of a huge statue of a Prince towering over the entire city. it was a statue embedded with precious stones like ruby and was covered by leaves made of precious elements. No wonder it was called the Happy Prince. But the prince wasn’t happy at all. He couldn’t dare to look at the entire city with suffering mortals just to die of complexities. With the help of a swallow, all the precious stones around the prince’s body were distributed to those in need. It was in a winter day and time came when the prince’s body finally gave up and the little bird’s health didn’t make it, both died. When God came into the city, He commanded His angels to look for the most precious things in that city. The angels brought the prince’s cracked heart and the bird’s dead body.

Lesson time: the prince’s state of sadness was his complexity. He was in a crossroad of enjoying his entire being and giving his aid to those in need. Right at the time he bore his difficulty, he did something about it that made him glorious. This may be applicable to all of us. Our difficulties can our instruments of love and charity. I have no concrete example my dear friends but surely, as what Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, Pope John Paul II and many others did, we can also make our difficulties our ticket to better living. This is the primal reason why we should not question everything that comes along our path because each single leaf along our way is a part and parcel of the wonderful journey we are traveling. No doubt about it, religious people remind us from time to time: everything has a purpose. Our complexities have purposes. They may not be at hand now but they will come, in God’s perfect time.

To end, care for another food for the soul? Take this: Life is a series of choices; what to do, where to go, when to leave, etc. Life, complex as it is, is a series of choices. What will you choose: your fall or your glory? Get up; never let life’s complexities deprive you of the sweets it offers.

Understanding Love Better

I wrote this article the day before hearts grew bigger and livelier.

Valentine’s Day…one of the most awaited seasons of the year especially for lovers and seekers. I admit it, I feel jealous whenever I hear friends of mine sharing their experiences after the hearts’ day. Every time I see some red roses on this day, my antagonistic instinct ignites, whose burial is it? Or when sweet chocolates beautify the table of a pretty colleague, sarcasms fill the air; go ahead, tonsillitis is just around the corner!

That was my immaturity though. Now, I am a part of the millions of creatures around the world who wait for this day. Sincerely, I do wait not because I have a partner but because I have a better understanding of love. No, I am not a super duper caliber romantico, I just learned from my friends. (If I were to enumerate my lessons, this space wouldn’t be enough.)

On this day, I thought of sharing some of the most essentials of life and loving, which are left unattended. I am referring to those basic ways of life that we must follow when we finally decided to love. First and foremost, loving is a commitment not a trial-and-error game. Commitment, in a deeper note, is giving your self entirely to the person, of course with reservations if marriage is still not in the plan. I mean when we commit we give our word of honor the chance to prove it. I read Bo Sanchez’s book and I was amazed by the reality that he opened to me. He said that he himself was confused why on the wedding day, the bride seems to be the most beautiful princess while the groom is the most handsome prince of the entire planet. Happiness is immeasurable during this time. However, a spell comes when after years of being together, the bride becomes a broom-riding witch while the groom turns out to be a foul-smelling frog. How sad! There is a way to break the chain—and this is what I want to point out as well. Everyday greeting of I Love You. Please do not forget, love expressed is like a river freely flowing without knowing how far it will go. There are many expressions of love, a kiss, a hug, a walk in the park, a movie treat, a salu-salo, washing the clothes together, or the most powerful of all, going to Church together. Some people find this impossible to do because of money. Money is not the issue my friends, you don’t have to spend just for your partner to realize how much you love him/her. However you do it, go ahead, express your love; the world cannot hold you from doing this. This is your privilege and you are gifted to feel this way.

I dedicate this last part to all the SISAs in the world, (single and satisfied; single by choice not by chance, please). Even if I have no partner as of this writing, I am still waking up in the early mornings of all the Valentine’s Days of my life gratefully in-love. Why? This is because I love my SELF. A classical song said it, learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. I am as excited as everyone else. I’ll buy roses and chocolates for my self. This is one way of making myself ready to fall in love because I believe for the world to love you, you must learn how to love the inner YOU first and rest will follow. Friends, it is true that life nowadays is very hard and stiff but this is not a reason for us to stop loving and eventually fall to misery and distress. There are a lot of things in life that can make us happy and even happier. These things are even God’s simple proofs of love; they are life’s grandest prizes. Many of us miss these prizes because we choose the worldly ones—money, car, luxury, awards, properties and all. We may not be able to grasp all of these but do not ever forget that we are all eligible for life’s small treasures—a pat on the back, a good word, a hug, a full moon, a glorious sunset, a smile from an acquaintance, an empty parking space, a good joke, a great meal, a hot soup, a cold drink, an ice cream, a thank you, a happy birthday and so much more! There are many ways for life to be happy. Friends, pick these tiny little blessings and you’ll find out how much love you have been enjoying.

This Valentine’s Day, my wish goes to all who were too blind to see the brighter side of life. Even if it is not Valentine’s Day everyday but His love has been pouring like a flood. It’s about time to erase the earthly prizes that only cause misery and vain and it’s your time to count on love everywhere by enjoying life’s tiny blessings, which are plenty for you and for me.

Happy Hearts’ Day everyone!

Wounded Knees

God chose to give me wounded knees.

After a thorough personal bath, I found myself counting the scars around my body and I noticed that my knees had the most number of scars—big and ugly scars. I was really never flawless—a fact that is not worth of debate or argumentation. Then memories came pouring out like rain. I recollected on the times I got wounded. I remember most of them were from running and chasing and scampering around.

Having wounded knees has a deeper connotation now that I have grown up. At the age of 25, I got numerous wounds in my knees, which subtly healed. Twenty-five years of finding my destiny, enjoying life, suffering pains and a lot more truly gave me scars. Especially today, at the most trying time of my life, I know, my knees are bleeding. Let me share this beautiful story with you:

Three men met an accident one day and their souls immediately went up for the final judgment. St. Peter gave them all a warm welcome. Suddenly, God appeared before them. Johnnie, John and Juan faced their Creator with glowing enthusiasm. However, they were surprised when God looked and touched their knees instead of opening the book of life. In a minute, God invited Juan to join Him in His paradise while the other two went to Purgatory. In amazement, Juan asked the Lord why his knees of all the body parts. God answered, “Scarred people are beautiful people. Your ticket is your scarred knee; healed by your prayers and touched by My Hands.”

See? Friends, this is the point of this article: sometimes we feel so down because we are burdened by the invisible wounds and scars life gives. It’s not really easy to be in difficult times like giving up even your faith may sound as the last resort. Fellows, I learned my lesson. If God is giving me wounds and scars, I must look at it positively. Jesus Himself had countless wounds and scars. at least, I join Him in His suffering thousands of years ago. Of the many speaking engagements I had, I’d have to say, 7 out of 10 people really would question why man suffers. Honestly, I also asked the same question and will ask the same question soon. As of the moment, I find solace from the people who told me that my own sufferings are the manifestations of the relationship I have with my Maker. I remember my Religion teacher in St. Paul University who told us that the heavier your cross is, the closer you are to Jesus because you share the burden of the Cross. Human as we are, sometimes, we do not understand why life seems unfair and tough and that all we have to do is cry and pour out. Personally, in every problem that I encounter, yes, I ask the Lord and I even challenge Him but I end up sleeping right on His arms. As I pray, I ask Him to give me His trials, one by one.

I wish to end this article with a text message that I really find suitable. It says, “We run so fast to reach our dreams and sometimes we fall on the ground…but don’t despair, because the most successful people are those with wounded knees…”

May God give comfort to all our sorrows.